Growing up is such a strange thing to me.
In one light, I want to explore the world.
Travel the road that leads me to be the best person I can be.
Mentally and physically.
To go out and do crazy thing.
To go out and be young and wild.
On the other hand, I watch as the ones I hold closest to my heart slowly fall through my fingertips.
Into the hands of their new significant other.
Don’t get me wrong,
I believe that everyone deserves whatever or whoever makes them happy.
I just seem to always be in the shadows while a new and brighter fascination comes into their lives.
My closest friends have boyfriends.
Totally head-over-heels Gaga love boyfriends. And it makes me so happy to see then happy.
And you would assume “Well Marlee, then you get a boyfriend!”
It’s not that simple.
But maybe it is when I say..
I simply don’t want one.
Trying to improve myself mentally and physically is a lot of work. I ware myself out some days. And it’s too hard right now to treat myself how I should be treated, and also take more than a significant amount of my time trying to satisfy another person.
I’m just tired of going through this journey alone.
They say support is the most important thing in change and friendship.
While I know the support is there when I need it, it’s the support that I need when I don’t ask for it that makes the difference.
Maybe one day, I’ll figure out my nonsense of a life and get it together enough to “grow up” and “settle down”. But until then, I’ll continue to watch my friends plan their lives while I watch my friends leave my side one by one to achieve bigger and better things than I can give.